I looked down at my picture. How could this happen? I had the symptoms, but I was always careful.
It all began over a year ago, when I was only 12. I meet him. He was tall, older, and originally from Mexico, and everyone know's I have a soft spot for that. I couldnt help me self- he was everything I wanted in a guy. He wasnt hilarious, but he was funny. He kept things exciting, never boring. He was delicous, and I needed a bite.
Everything moved to fast, but thats what I liked. His dad was my mom's best friend. They were friends in college. Not that kind of friends, just friends... The meet up for coffee and talk about mid terms or whatever friends. They moved- my mom to Florida and him... he moved back to Mexico.
His dad meet a beautiful "Mexican rose" as he likes to call her. They had to kids: a boy my age, Michael, and then his older brother, the boy I've rambling about, Steven. Michael and Steven looked alot alike. They both had hazel eyes, and brownish black hair. Michael was pretty short, but Steven is pretty up there!
I dont know really what happend... we had only have our first kiss, which just happend to be in my room. That night was amazing: it was warm. It was October: both of ours birth month. I was born on the 24th and he was born on the 31st. We had the same dreams, wishes, and plans. It felt amazing to be with him that night, even if he was two years older then me.
He understood me, and when we kissed, it felt amazing. I could hartly breath, my heart thumped, my palms were sweaty. It was amazing. Then it just sort of happend--we ended up in my bed, lights off, under the sheets, nacked, staring at each other. That night was scary.
Joshua wasnt as amazing. But he still was amazing, and he helped me get over "it".
One night two months ago, I went downstairs and heard yelling. By this time, Steven, Michael, and his dad were on the other side of the duplex. They usually spend there time over here. Michael had made some friends at our school: Jayson and Anthony. They were just as amazing. They were hilarious, sweet: just amazing. They were my best friends.
Anyways, I went downstairs. I couldnt make out what Stevens dad, Rohn, was saying. I came down, and mom, dad, Rohn, Michael, Jayson and Anthony (who were spending the night over at Michael's) looked at me, shocked.
"What?" I asked. I looked around the room. Rohn eye's were bloodshot, his face was red. "Did you do this?" he asked, well, yelled, at me. "Do ... what?" I was breathless. I have done alot of things they wouldnt aprove of. If they found out, I was sure they would kick me out. "Did you make him snuggle drugs across the border?!" he screamed in question at me.
I though: Steven had been gone for a few hours, and no one knew where he was. Steven. Drugs. Border. I knew what happend. But I couldnt believe it. I looked at Rohn's hand which had a phone in it. "Steven?" I shouted, thinking that maybe it was him. "Yes?" I heard. It WAS Steven and he was on speaker and he would hear everything.
"What did you do?" I asked. Rohn finally handed me the phone. I looked Rohn in his eyes with fear. Was Steven ok? "I'm sorry," was all he said. "Steven!" I screamed into the phone. "I'm sorry!" he yelled back. "What did you do?!" I screamed. My eyes were filled with tears.
He already knew that I was trying to chose between him and Joshua. "I snuggled drugs across the border," he said. He sounded like he knew what was coming, and that he was going to burst into tears. I waited for a few seconds, sucked it up, and said it.
"I guess you know my choice then," I said. I squezed the phone before dropping it on the coach next to Michael. He looked up at me, and I could see how upset he was. Another tear ran down my cheek. I ran upstairs. How could he do this?
I chose Joshua. The change was hard, but worth it. Joshua was amazing. It didnt take long for us to decide what we wanted: the same thing me and Steven had.
Joshua was nervous that night. He kept freezing up, he stutterd when he talked, he felt cold. But after it happend, I could tell he liked it. I knew he wouldnt regret it.
A month and a half after that, he was upset with me; he thought I was pregnant, but I didnt think so. I thought he was over reacting.
I was fatigue. He thought it was pregnancy, I though I was just tired.
I felt movment. Joshua thought it was the baby kicking, I thought it was just kicking.
I had a little bit of morning sickness. He thought it was the obvious, I thougt I was just hungry or had a empty stomach.
I was moody. He thought it was because of my hormone level due to the baby, I thought it was just because I was annoyed because he kept thinking I was pregnant!
After a while, we broke up. He said he couldnt be around me until I took the pregnanct test. He said I was "denial" and "unconfident", which everyone knew was untrue.
But I guess he didnt understand me like that.
So anyways. A couple weeks after, he scared me. What if I was? If I was how far along was I? If I was that far along, well then, who's was it?
After I took the pregnancy test, my world started tumbling down:
My parents couldnt look me in the eye.
Rohn thought it was my fault and that I pressured Steven into having sex.
My friends all thought I was "of the devil" and that I was a whore.
No one seemed to like me.
But I had to suck it up. Right now is the day we were going to find out who the dad was with a DNA testing.
Today was also the day I would see Steven out of Juvy for the first time in three months.
I sat up straighter and looked at the picture of my baby:
A little head, feet and hands.
Everything was there.
I couldnt believe I was pregnant at 13. I also couldnt believe how in love with my baby I was. I couldnt decide if I wanted it to be a boy or girl. Either way, I hoped he or she was cute, smarter then me, and better then me. All I could do was wish and wish and hope and hope that he/she would be smarter then to get pregnant at 13.
In the middle of my thoughts, I realized I was in a daze and I had no relization of what was going on with me. I also relized that theyre was a trail of saliva rolling down the side of my chin. Gross. I wiped it off and I streched while clossing my eyes, letting them adjust.
When I opend them, I looked around: I saw Joshua. We hadnt talked since I told him I was pregnant and he promised to be there for me. That was, untill we found out I was about two and half months along, meaning, it could be his or Stevens.
He smiled and waved at me. I shot him a grin and waved back, even though he was five feet away from me. I looked around and I made sure everyone was there: My mom, check. My dad, check, Michael, check. Rohn, check. Two police officer's, check. Steven, check. Wait... what?
(To be continued....)
